Day 6 Relationships and Communication

Because I work with clients globally other countries have been in lockdown for longer than those of us in NZ. Statistics show that during stressful times relationships can suffer the most, especially in these unusual times when people are forced to stay with the elected few and unable to let off steam with family and friends when things are not going to plan.

Now is the time to learn more about your partner, children, colleague that you are in isolation with.

Strong Emotional Intelligence is the key to strong relationships. This means not only have a strong understanding of your triggers and emotions but also an understanding of the emotions and triggers of the ones who you spend time with.

That is why communication is the key. Your beliefs are more likely different to those around you. Yes, you may have plenty of things in common which is why you are friends or colleagues BUT your original programing, the filter through which you make decisions is very likely different. This original programming is also where many of your emotional triggers come from.

Freedom of speech and political correctness was designed to cover everybody having the same triggers and is more of a safety net against insulting others, but not everybody is insulted over the same things. I am sure you have said something seemingly completely innocent to you, that has flared up someone else, leaving you surprised as to why it was taken the ‘wrong way’.

When in isolation we as humans can already feel ‘trapped’ a feeling of being ‘powerless’. This is a trigger for most people as we all like to have an element of control as we mature. The problem is that when we feel this way our subconscious mind can become more sensitive, hyper alert; and so things that we could normally brush off seem to upset us more easily, creating more disagreements and arguments as each person tries to take back some control.

So how can you avoid falling out with the people in your bubble at this time? Now is the time to learn about yourself first. When somebody says something that triggers either an angry or upset emotional response in YOU then take the time out to explore what the emotional trigger is. For example, if somebody questions why you are doing something in a certain way and it upsets you, it is time to explore what your trigger is. Maybe you lack confidence in what you are doing deep down, or maybe in the past you felt you had to constantly prove yourself to others. You see if someone was to point at you and say “haha you’ve only got one leg”, it wouldn’t bother you (unless of course you did only have one leg). It is only when someone says something that you have an inner belief maybe inadequate about you that it hurts and sends a triggered response. So spend this time deleting your triggers, because once you understand what they are you can delete them, reprogram them.

If you need help doing this then feel free to contact me. Anxietynomore.nz

Best wishes, keep safe. Kymberley